Love Lost
by Windpower
Summary: Riku doesn't know how he feel. Both Sora and Kairi are constantly on his mind. Lots of unrequited love and angsting.


A/N: Quistis is, according to the Final Fantasy Wiki, a character from FFVIII. I have no idea, 'cause I've never played the game. I don't like this story. I liked the idea when I started writing but it didn't turn out the way I wanted. Well, yeah. I guess it's kind of appropriate considering what I'm writing about.

* * *

His heart skipped a beat.  
Sora was entering the room.

His heart skipped a beat.  
Sora was grinning at him.

His nerves tingled.  
Sora's leg was pressed against his own.

Butterflies in his stomach.

Why?

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

"So what do you think about the girls?" Riku asked with a soft smile while he twirled the spoon around in his ice-cream, slight leaning forward.

"They're the same as last year." Sora said with a curios expression, his burger halfway between his mouth and the table.

"Of course," Riku said, still twirling the spoon. "But I think Quistis has grown cuter over the summer." With the same soft smile he licked the ice-cream off his spoon.

Sora blushed as he realized what turn the conversation was taking. "She is that girl in your class, right?"

"U-hu. She was elected class representative this year." Riku smiled encouraging at Sora.

"You're in love with her?"

"Nah. I just think she's cute."

Sora took a deep breath and looked around before he leaned forward. "I think Kairi's cute," he whispered before he broke out in giggles. Sometimes it seemed like it was much more than a year between them in age.

"Kairi? Who's that?" Riku asked, deliberately ignoring Sora's insane giggle spree.

"She's the new girl in my class," Sora said while leaning back. He looked pretty proud with himself after confessing.

"The one who came with the meteor shower? I wonder how she got here…" Riku shook his head. His musings were interrupted however when Sora wheezed:

"Look! There she is!"

"The one with the red hair?"

"Yep, the other one is Selphie."

"You're right, Sora," Riku said and ate another spoon of ice-cream. "She is pretty cute."

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

Riku stretched out on the couch, munching popcorn. His eyes were glued to the screen. Sora was sitting on the far end of the couch, with his arms wrapped around a pillow. Sora seemed… off, somehow. He was not concentrating on the movie at all and the pillow was harshly squeezed to his chest.

"Riku," he began insecure. "I have to tell you something."

"Hmmmm?" Riku said, not really focusing.

"Something important," Sora began again and slid forward in the couch so he was sitting next to Riku's legs. When Riku still didn't look at him Sora started poking his legs.

"Wha-at?" Riku sighed annoyed. "Can't it wait? I kinda wanna watch this movie."

"That's just because you're weird and is the only fourteen year old in history that has never watched _the Matrix_ before."

"I'm ignoring you now," Riku smirked and ignored when Sora pouted and poked his legs again.

After a while Sora gave up and stared silently out in the air. Riku decided that it was time to pay attention. He had had his fun long enough.

"So what was it you wanted to tell me?"

Sora sighed and bit his lip. "Riku, I think I'm in love with someone."

Riku swallowed and inhaled. "Who?"

"Kairi," Sora hugged the pillow to his chest again.

"Um," Riku scratched the back of his head, not really sure how to respond. "You've been in love with her for a long time?"

"I'm not sure," Sora shook his head. "But it feels so weird, you know? I mean, we're friends and all, tell each other things…"

Riku smiled. "I don't think you should worry about that, Sora. People fall in love with their friends all the time."

"They do?" Sora asked interested.

"Eh," Riku blushed. "I guess. It's natural, probably. That you start to like people better after you get to know them."

"I guess," Sora murmured.

"Are you planning to tell her or…?"

"No! No way!" Sora quickly denied. "I'm just waiting for it to pass, sort of. I just needed to tell somebody."

"I know how that feels," Riku murmured.

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

Kairi, why are you smiling at me? Why do you always say you like the same things as I do? Why does your hand linger next to mine? It's Sora who's in love with you, not me.

Don't laugh at my jokes.

Don't say you like hanging out with me.

Don't walk next to me.

Don't be my friend.

Stop it.

* * *

_Flash forward._

_

* * *

_

"I got something for you."

"Huh?"

"It's a papou fruit. It's said that whoever share it, their destinies becomes intertwined forever. I know you want to try one."

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

"… And if you win…"

"I get to share a papou fruit with Kairi!"

"What?"

"Come on! The winner gets to share a papou with Kairi!"

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

Riku felt happy there, on the beach.

"We'll be the dark."

Sora seemed content too. Living in darkness wasn't that bad probably. Especially when they were two.

"I have something you can never imitate."

"What?"

"Having you for a friend."

Riku could have stayed in the darkness forever this time. That way he wouldn't have to worry about his emotions. And both Sora and Kairi were free to love without him interfering. But when Sora reached out his hand and said:

"We'll go together!"

How could he ever say anything else than yes?

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

"Sora, do you still like Kairi?"

Sora's burger stopped midway between his face and the table. "Why do you ask?" he asked with a puzzled expression.

Riku stabbed his ice-cream. He didn't feel like eating it. "No reason. It's just… You've been in love with her for a long time."

Sora laid his burger back on the plate. "I'm not sure anymore actually. It's been so long that I really don't feel anything special around her. But suddenly she can smile and I still get butterflies in my stomach."

"Oh," Riku said weakly. His ice-cream was mashed to sauce.

"I guess it's more _no _than _yes_," Sora said.

Riku felt a little bit better.

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

"I have to tell you something," Riku said with his serious face.

"Oh?" Sora asked curious.

"I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you," Riku swallowed. "I'm in love with someone."

"Oh, really?" Sora asked and grinned. "Who?"

Riku closed his eyes. His whole existence boiled down to this: Sora's reaction.

"What, Riku?" Sora said serious. "You look so nervous, relax."

"Sorry," Riku mumbled. "It's just… I've kept it secret for so long. I don't know how you will feel when I tell you who it is."

"Just tell me. You'll feel better."

"… Kairi."

Sora smiled, "I kinda had that figured out."

"Really?" Riku asked surprised. "So, you're not mad or anything for me liking the same girl as you?"

"Ah," Sora shook his head. "I don't think I like her anymore. At least I don't care if anyone else does."

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

For some reason Sora was absent that day. Kairi was laughing at him.

"You shouldn't say that, Riku. I'm nothing important."

Calm came over him. This was the moment.

"You're wrong. You are important to me."

Kairi's eyes became hard. He should have taken the hint then.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I'm in love with you." It was so much easier to say than he had thought it would be.

Kairi looked at him with an _I've known that all along _expression.

"I'm sorry. I don't feel the same way."

Smile. Hold back the disappointment.

"I know. I just had to get it off my chest."

They were standing at the crossroads. They were going separate ways. Not only in the physical sense.

"I'll be going then."

"I'm sorry, Riku."

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

He was drunk and high and fucked up. He was everything and nothing at once. The world was spinning. Everyone was cheering him on, just as drunk as he. Riku had never known that he was good at dancing. But everybody seemed to think so. The music was loud. Blaring. Lights were flashing. His eyes had trouble focusing, but whenever he found focus it was always at _his_ face, _his _body, _his _expression. Pushing through bodies Riku found his way through the mass and pulled Sora out to dance. Kairi was laughing and pushing him out. Sora never had an urge to dance. The music intensified and Riku could only stare at Sora's face. How his cheeks were red from the drinking and dancing. How he panted and smiled. Exactly when they started grinding against each other they couldn't recall. They couldn't recall when they stopped either. Sora didn't remember when he woke the next morning. But, Riku did and allowed himself to hope.

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

Riku saw Sora kiss Kairi on the beach. Something inside him broke.

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

Sora was entering him. Through his alcohol clouded mind Riku couldn't believe it was happening. It hurt like a bitch but it was something his brain barely registered. He instantly closed his eyes. He didn't remember how they had ended up here. He didn't remember that the party was going on downstairs. He didn't register that they were in Sora's bedroom. He had no clue if Sora was as drunk as he. It felt good after a while. Riku whimpered. He came embarrassingly fast. Opening his eyes his gaze locked with Sora's. And Sora looked at him with an incomprehensive expression. And then he pulled out.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this."

He stumbled out the door, almost forgetting to pull his pants up, leaving Riku on the bed even more broken than before.

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

Riku felt sick whenever he was around them. Sora always found a reason to put his arm around Kairi and Kairi beamed at Sora at any possible moment. It was disgusting. Not to mention awkward.

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

"Don't ask me to do this."

"Come on Riku. You are my best friend."

Riku just shook his head. "You know how I feel and you still ask me?"

"I don't know a thing, Riku! All I know is that you've been acting weird for a long time now." Sora threw his arms up in the air.

"I fucking love you, you asshole! I fucking love you! And I fucking love her! So don't ask me to do this."

Sora was shocked. Before he was able to say anything, Riku turned and left.

* * *

_Flash forward_

_

* * *

_

Riku didn't go to the wedding.

Riku left and never came back.


End file.
